Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
