is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
