oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
