just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
