She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
