Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Found your dick twin last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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