Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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