I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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