Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
