I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
