it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
