Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
