I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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