He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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