Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
