So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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