The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
