This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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