So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
