I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
