All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize