haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
