No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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