I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone signed my nipple.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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