its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
