my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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