Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
People in love make me want to vomit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
