I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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