I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
