I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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