Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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