My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
