thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
