My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
