mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
