bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had to cum in my sink.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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