Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
