Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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