I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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