He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
