"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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