I puked a lego.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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