I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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