It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
