there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
