i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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