I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
