Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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