Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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