I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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