Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
