I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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