But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's get the cat blown out
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
