been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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