I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
