***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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