I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
