Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
