im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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