I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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