I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
