Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
