i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
