strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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