$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
