Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
