What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
