I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
