Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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