I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
