There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
