so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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