I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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