dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
