my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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